Dirty South

I was watching The Closer today and remembered something I read in Gone With the Wind once: when Rhett tells Scarlett how he escaped being hanged for murder by employing some blackmail. “Influence is everything, and guilt or innocence merely an academic question,” he claims. I feel like the only reason some people are still walking around free is not that they are more intelligent than other people and can’t get caught for their transgressions, but maybe they’re looser lipped than we all think. Or provide some kind of service to the authorities in exchange for their freedom. I don’t know. But it’s shady.

A lot of people hate Gone With the Wind for being a racist book. It IS racist, but there are still words of wisdom hidden at random in its hundreds of pages. If you write that excessively, you’re bound to say something genius at least once–even if it’s by accident.

I have plans to go back to school either this coming fall or next winter. I can hear you going: yeah, right. Bear with me. I know people think I’m immature because of the way I live my life. I get told to grow up all the time. And a guy who’s never had a legal job in his life once made fun of ME for not having a “real job”! Here’s the reason why I’m being so difficult: I’m afraid of giving up any individuality I have and completely conforming to an alien work environment just for the sake of being paid. Is that not a type of slavery? And is it any wonder then that I try to protect myself from such a fate? I’m just afraid of never being able to have an opinion again. I got fired from one job in my field because I expressed some views publicly that embarrassed my employers. With corporate jobs, it’s like you run the risk of becoming bland, flat and stale to fit in…but profitable. I’d rather work retail for the rest of my life, make less money and be able to write controversial (but important) shit than work for a company that wants to own me body, brain and soul, and keeps me afraid of being creative in ways that don’t benefit it just for a few “perks” and a higher wage. I’m not calling people “sell outs” or anything for being a part of the corporate world. That’s where you SHOULD be if the work is stuff you like or at least stuff you can see yourself doing even if you’re not in love with it. I am just worried I don’t feel that way. But whatever. I’m giving school one last try . If I don’t get into the program I applied to or I don’t make it in the field, then there’s my direction.

People like this are blessed. They can say what’s on their minds and still make a living:

Oh, and while I’m on the subject of music, I can’t help laughing at one thing. I don’t know if you remember this song, but it came out when I was still at UofT. I used to be friends with this guy who kinda wanted to be more. Whenever we were in a car together, this song would be playing on the radio. It was one of those top 10 songs that got played over and over by a few radio stations that summer. “This is, like, our song, man,” he used to tell me, excited. It was not “our” song, it was “my” song. It was stuff I would’ve serenaded him with if I knew how to play a cool instrument and had a better singing voice, lol. Poor dude. But I don’t feel too bad for him. He’s doing fine without me . Everything has worked out in the best way. Jo be hota hai, vo acha hota hai. Or something like that.

Still recovering from the last couple days. Been completely out of sorts. Head’s still killing, but chills have stopped, thank God…